Our Journey through the Maze

I had an idea that I would have postpartum depression based on the stress that I had during pregnancy and caring for 4 kids including a baby with special needs, a house, a husband and a career and everything else that I happen to add to my plate, like finishing my degree and add to all that, 3 hours of sleep most nights and a crazy needy 2 year old who insists on needing me every single minute of her life and boom, you have a crazy mom. (And no, I’m not giving up on any of it, I enjoy staying busy during turmoil!)

I originally went on Zoloft after having Ellye but I only stayed on it for a couple weeks because it had severe side effects. I haven’t been on something for a least 3 months. I went to the doctor this afternoon and told my doctor that I just needed help. Originally, I thought I was stressed but my symptoms included; fits of rage, agitation, uncontrollable crying, general moodiness, unable to concentrate, and the list goes on. Even though there were times that I felt like it wasn’t as severe as other’s depression, I could recognize that my attitude was suffering.

Because I have a live in nanny, it’s been an eye opener to have someone from the outside see you for you. I haven’t sugar coated anything since she’s moved in. If I’ve been angry, I’d yell. If I were upset at Brian, I’d complain. But the fact is that I never used to act like this before I had Ellye. I have always been very easy going and easy to get along with. Now, I’m like an evil witch who is super negative about everything. When someone tells me something positive about Ellye’s condition, I feel like I’m conditioned to expect the worst. It’s just terrible to feel this way. I’m so glad I got help today. I’m not sure if the medicine actually is going to work but the first step is getting help.

If you are struggling with postpartum depression, please get help. It really helped me to know that I am not the only one who has gone through this. I really enjoyed learning that even celebrities have dealt with it too, as you can read here on Goop.  Have you ever had postpartum depression? What was your saving grace?

Here’s a link to a website in case you or someone you know is struggling:

http://postpartumprogress.com/ 

Here’s a list of symptoms of postpartum depression